Sunday, January 18, 2009

Momma Badges

After a particular incident in the summer of 2008 I realized that we mommas should be eligible for awards. You know, like in girl scouts when you completed certain requirements you got patches to put on your cool uniform? Like archery or recycling or needlepoint?

At first I thought we should get tattoos that proved to the world how capable we were, how courageous and skilled. Then I realized that by the time my youngest child was 11 I would have 1,947 tattoos. Eeew.

So instead we will just keep a record here in cyberspace.

Here are the badges I have earned so far:

*Pregnancy. Can also be earned by withstanding the incredible wait period while your baby grows in your heart, not in your womb. Extra credit for the heroes who go through labor sans epidural.

*Rotovirus. This manifested itself in my #2 with 7 throw ups in a 2 hour period just after he turned one. If I remember correctly my then two year old followed up with some heaving of her own. Those of you with children under two or those who have yet to become mommas may not be eligible for this badge. There is now a vaccine for this horrible stomach bug and it seems to be working on my #3. However, you may get a similar badge when you catch vomit in your hand in the middle of the night. I have both, lucky me!

*All Things Fecal. You start be completing the simple requirements- newborn blowouts, dirty undies while potty training, maybe a floater in the tub. But you cannot fully earn this badge until you collect a fecal sample and divide it among 4 containers to be tested by a lab. Earned mine back in '08.

*Nit Picking This is my most recent badge. I think it is still in the mail on its way here. Yep, we have had quite a week, full of laundry, Cetaphil, rubbing alcohol, laundry, nit combs, Rid, laundry, french braids, pillow-less sleeps, missed work and still a bit more laundry. This badge has been the most costly, monetarily thus far.

I know there are badges yet to be earned. One day I hope my sash is overflowing with Momma Badges. I am thankful for the opportunity to momma these 3 babes and to be the one that can take care of them. {With lots of help!}

It goes without saying that there is a permanent tattoo you get when you become a is of a heart on your arm. Or your sleeve. Walking around outside of your body.

What badges have you earned?

Happy Sunday~


Charly said...

Ahhh, we did the lice thing back in Sept. My daughter and I both got it! Look up "pinworms"... that was fun!

MiChal said...

You're funny!!! My baby is almost 30 and I'm still earning badges. I think we mommas wear invisible sashes with all our badges -- that's why everything droops as we get older!

Bobbie said...

you are too funny! my kids are 33 and 30...i can remember lots of those things...i, too, have earned many, i'm earning "grandma" badges...and i love them all!

Donuts R Evil said...

I have the "all things fecal" badge and the vomit badge. I definitely got the green runny nose badge and the jaundice badge. When #1 was born, she had a hematoma on her head which gave her a bad case of jaundice and they put her under the billi lights. They told us to watch her to make sure that she did not pull off those little eye patches because it could cause her to go blind if she looked into the light. We were already exhausted new parents and that news just about sent us over the egde. We took turns staring at her to make sure she did not go blind. Thank the Lord someone invented a billi-blanket that wrapped around the baby when #2 was born with jaundice. No worries about blindness with the billi-blanket.

Becky said...

J, I think this is the most awesomest post! You know you had me at 'pregnancy'........thank you for your wonderful inclusion of so many of us!!!! You also earn the "I don't take what I've been given for granted and am sensitive toward others" badge!
Soooo sorry you had to earn the Nit badge!! I've had that one and it was NO fun working for that one!!
There is nothing on this earth I would rather do than earn Momma Badges!!! Love this perspective on it! Thanks for sharing!!

momofnolens said...

I have not yet earned the "nit-picking" badge. You will know when I do because Goldilocks will not longer have hair that is 15 inches long! I do own the pregnancy badge, a vomit badge (but not with the rotovirus addendum), and I have not fully earned a fecal badge. I have also earned a "the bed is much too small" badge which you get when everyone in the house actually sleeps in the same bed. That one is fun to earn though!

Kelly said...

Oh poor thing, I hate lice! I have dealt with it as a child more than once, but thankfully not as a parent. One good thing about boys, I would totally shave their hair off (so much easier than when we got it as kids all 4 girls with hair to our waist).

I have earned the pregnancy badge 4 times, some were easier to earn than others.

I earned the Rotovirus badge right before Brayden turned 1. He threw up and had BMs almost constantly for over a week. I was going through 8 sheets a day on his bed because they would run right out of his diaper. We were extremely close to being hospitalized for it, but thankfully he never developed the last symptom the doctor was waiting on (we just went to the doctor daily for 5 days).

Thankfully, I only have 1/2 a fecal badge, so far no samples.

I also have a badge for surviving the NICU and very sick preemie (way sicker than his gestational age) heart monitor (4 months) and all.

I have earned a badge for surviving major ear infections and speech related issues. This includes 3 surgeries (holding down a hysterical child who does not handle anesthia at all...they have it in huge letters in his chart), going weekly to speech for almost 3 years, pinning down a child (having to use your whole body) for them to suction his ears all the while he is looking you in the eye and screaming "momma" like you have betrayed him, and then literally thousands of ear drops and more Rx than you can count. Holding back tears as kids start to realize your child doesn't talk like everyone else while you know his ear infections still aren't gone and he will have another one in a few weeks if he currently doesn't already have one.

I have an I survived a concusion badge without loosing it. Brandt had a major concussion in the summer of '06, 2 CAT scans and an overnight stay later he was ok. Although he could not play contact sports for 5 years, and absolutely could not hit his head for 5 days afterwards or we risked permanent damage. I held it together remarkeably well considering we could not wake him and when the doctor finally did his eyes went 2 seperate directions and neither was looking at the doctor.

I also have the head over heels in love badge. I can't believe that I am lucky enough to be chosen to be the mom to these 4 amazing, beautiful, sweet, loving children. God had a sense of humor giving me 4 boys, because growing up I never wanted a single boy just girls. My brother was so crazy and I was always so nervous and anxious watching him, I wanted nothing to do with wild crazy boys. haha

As the boys get older I am sure there will be plenty more badges to come. I just pray God continues to give me the ability to take it in stride.

Andrew Culture said...

I've not had any children, but I think I earnt some of those badges from years of working as a carer and a trainee nurse :)

Andrew Culture

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