Friday, July 27, 2007

Friday Funnies

Whew........it has been quite a week. Mr. Brick put away a REALLY bad guy. I have worked two 12 hr days and #3 made her three month mark. My week isn't over....won't you please say a prayer for me as I present at a teacher training tomorrow. I am super passionate about my topic, just nervous about speaking in front of other teachers.....I want to be persuasive and not step on any toes......know what I mean? Any suggestions?

Anyway, here is a funny for you. My mom didn't say all of these things, but I laughed out loud anyway!

I Owe My Mother

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1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC. " Because I said so, that's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC. "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT. "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY. "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS. "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM. "Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA. "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER. "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY. "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE. "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION. "Stop acting like your father!" 15. My mother taught me about ENVY. "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. "Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING. "You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE. "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP. "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR. "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS. "You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS. "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM. "When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
And my favorite:
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE. "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you

Happy Friday~

3 comments:

Andrea said...

Saw Superman in the paper today - good for him. He was a REALLY bad guy!
Those funnies were FUNNY - I laughed out loud at #20!

Bobbie said...

I think all of us have heard many of those statements from our mothers, and now we're saying them to our children. And...my daughter is probably saying them to her son! Very funny...made me laugh...

Anonymous said...

:-) Very funny!

Love ya!

Quiltermama