Thursday, February 05, 2009

Thursday Thoughts-

How do you speak to yourself? Like when you are thinking, cajoling, praising, criticizing, motivating yourself - how does it come out? I am realizing that I am supremely negative in my self talk. This has become evident during my runs. I have been running consistently since the fall, and following a particular training plan since December.

The running is paying off. I am down several sizes in clothes, my legs feel stronger, I can talk more as I run. However I still need lots of walk breaks. But I am trying to figure out why. I am not necessarily tired or out of breath. My hip and knee have been extremely well behaved and not hurt much at all.

I just stop.

I walk for a few feet or to the next light post, then I start again. But I do this many times over the course of my run.

I want to run more. I want to walk less. I want to pinpoint what it is that is making me stop, holding me back from pushing myself to the limit. I want to leave it all on the road, run until I cannot run anymore. At the end of my workouts I am always able to push it harder and end fast.
Why do I not do that the entire workout? Yesterday I went 5 miles. The first 2.5 I kept up with two running buddies. We were running about 9.5 minute mile. I was doing ok. Even talking. Then when we got to our turn around point I just started walking. I let them go on ahead and walked and ran the rest of the way, finishing a few minutes behind them.

But while I was running I kept thinking "I hate this." "Why do I think I can do a half marathon?" "I am such a weakling." "Make it to the top of that hill." {then I didn't}

Reasonably I should not be as fast as the two ladies I was running with yesterday. They have much more experience than me. But I should be able to run, however slowly, the entire 5 miles. I have been training and I have no health issues to hold me back.

Now that I have discovered it is a mind game I have to discover how to win it. I am not fishing for any praise from you brainy folks - but I would LOVE insight into how to change my internal monologue. Because after the runs I immediately want to do it again, to try to be better. How can I channel that during the run?

I do 5 miles again tomorrow.....

Happy Thursday~

4 comments:

Becky said...

Recite uplifting scripture to yourself.......that defines who you are in Christ and who He has made you to be. Insert your name for all the personal pronouns....ex. Jamee is fearfuly and wonderfully made. Jamee can do all things through Christ who strengths me.

Go through scripture related to this race you are running....there are SO many (as we learned in PS training, right?!) Choose one or two each workout to remind yourself of as often as need be.

And, do not minimalize what you are accomplishing!! I will not inflate your head anymore...as per your request!
Keep pressing on!!!

Becky said...

Oh, and thank you for still reading my blog! You may be it! :o)

Laura Pattillo said...

Maybe if you do what we do with the kids - for every put down or negative thoughts you have to say 5 positive thoughts. Example - "I hate this." as a negative - offset by the positive of "look how far I've run this morning", "I feel so much better", "I look great", "Christ gives me the strength I need to finish" "look how far I've come since I started running". Maybe it's just a matter of changing the mindset and mind though process.

I'm very proud of you and so impressed! Hang in there - you will get where you want to be. Don't give up.

MiChal said...

As I recall, I got REALLY bored on my runs. Mind-numbingly bored. Running with someone helped the time go by. So did a silly game I'd play in my head -- come up with pies for the ABCs. Apple, Banana Cream, Cherry, etc. But then that only distracted me for a whopping 5 minutes. I can hike/walk for hours and not get bored but running plays with my head on so many levels.