Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Feelings~

last night #2 came out of bed in his Russian gymnast pajamas and asked me what it felt like to be his mom. I was loading the dishwasher and his question really caught me off guard. He is freakin' cute in those pajamas, so even though getting out of bed after being tucked in is a no'no I had to smile at him. I told him it felt incredible to be his mom. Then I said get back in bed.

But I have been thinking about his question all day. Sometimes it feels good to be a mother. To feel loved, needed, special. Sometimes it feels tiring to be a mother. Like I am the only one keeping this ship spinning. I know Mr. Brick does an incredible job, but no one would get their antibiotic if it weren't for me....

I feel blessed to be the mother of three healthy children. I did not struggle with fertility and I know several people that do. My kids have no major illness and I know parents that are praying for a miracle.

I feel guilty as a mother. Should I buy the organic milk every time? Is our school district strong enough? Am I working outside the home too much? Do I spend too much time in front of the computer?

I feel inadequate as a mother. I have no idea how kindergarten works. It has been 24 years since I have been there. How can I not pass on my insecurities to my strong daughter? I want her to be sure of herself, confident in her body and pleased with her actions. To not assume people are thinking poorly about her or judging her. I have to get past those things in my own life, first, right? Or can I do both simultaneously?

I feel hopeful as a mother. I long for a close relationship with my children and to remain a strong influence in their lives for years to come. I want to be an instrument God uses to bring Christ into their lives.

I feel torn as a mother. I give so much to my children and extended family I often have little left to give to my husband. He does the same. I pray that while this season often has us falling into bed exhausted each evening, our passion for each other will continue to smolder and we will tend our relationship faithfully and prayerfully.

I feel inconsistent as a mother. Some days I am all funny and goofiness. I make pancakes for breakfast and we paint and play in the sprinkler and make cupcakes. Some days I am grumpy and slow and selfish. Most days are a mix of the two, but I long to be deliberate and intentional in my interactions with my children.

I feel thankful as a mother. That God entrusted these three little souls to be in my care for as long as He sees fit. I pray that I am worthy of these blessings and that I may be an encouragement along the way. I know I will get some things wrong, but I am trying hard to get them right!

How do you feel?

Happy Tuesday~

9 comments:

Susan said...

Very good thoughts! You have made me think.......

Quiltermama said...

I think you are just a fabulous mom, and your kids are a testament (hope I'm using that right) to that fact. They are some of the happiest, well-balanced kids I know! I admire your ability to manage so many areas of your life with fun and grace. You make sure everyone's taken care of, but you're the life of the party at the same time.

I long to balance so well, and with such fun and grace. The times I am grateful for my little blessings and want to just hug them forever much outweigh the times I get weary--and that's a God thang sister! :o) I know it...I claim it!!! :o)

Even when the days seem to stretch into forever (one more pot to wash? one more tub to scrub?), I remind myself over and over how short these days really are and how blessed I am, in this season, to be able to be in the presence of these walking evidences of God (in their Cowboy, Hello Kitty, and Froggie PJ's of course!).

He is so good! And, how good it is to be a momma!

Sarah L. Knapp said...

I feel blessed to have you and your three little souls (and John) in my life. You are a ROCKSTAR!
I love you.
S.

Bobbie said...

That was so amazing! It brought tears to my eyes. It was beautifully said...right from the heart. You should print it, put it in a special place, and read it to your kids when they are older. Did you show it to John? I'm sure he would be impressed. Maybe he would even write one of his own, from a father's point of view. Bless you both...

Angela said...

You don't have to know how kindergarten works, that's why there is a teacher :-) The fact that you worry about all of this makes you not only a wonderful person but en excellent mother. Anyone who meets your children, your husband or you would know that in a heartbeat. You are a kindhearted soul who has everyone else's needs in front of her own. Not only has God blessed you with a wonderful family, He has blessed those of us who know you with an amazing woman of God to follow as an example of a true disciple.

Anonymous said...

Although I still remember feeling the same things you are feeling now, it seems so long ago! These days, when I think of life from a Mom's point of view, I just feel proud!! I am so proud of you, your family and everything you have become! I thank God daily that He allowed me to raise such beautiful daughters who have grown into such wonderful women! You, Jo and your family are my grandest claim to fame! I know I must have done something right, but God rewarded me....and continues to every day!!

Mom
P.S. I wasn't too worried about k-garten, I knew you had it figured out!! but I sure missed you that year!

Becky said...

Very well said!
I feel ALL of those things! I think many moms do!
Thanks for the reflections!

kristen said...

Beautifully written! I couldn't have said it better.

alice said...

Several have already said it but it is exactly what came to mind even before reading the comments... beautifully said!

Thanks!